Yeehaw
by patented
Summary: Dante/Nero, Kyrie, Trish/Gary Stu, Lady/Gary Stu pairings and Sparda makes an appearance. Dante/Kyrie, Dante/Credo. They have gotten the crazy cowboy crack.
1. Chapter 1

His name is Gary. Stu. Gary Stu.

He wears his hair back, wavy and pretty, and uses his former girlfriend's hair gel and shampoo, conditioner and mousse. It's black and pretty and he has hazel eyes that sparkle in the night.

He likes to ogle at Lady and Trish because they have big teats.

He likes them very much.

He came up to one of them one day and said, "Hey sexy chicks, I want to show you something, come here."

And flashes them a nice, juicy smile with gold teeth, shiny and clean.

Trish's eye brow twitched.

Lady's wearing those sunglasses because she's afraid someone might notice her bi coloured eyes.

"What the hell is that?" Trish sniffs the air like a mad woman.

"What are you doing?" Lady barks back.

"Trying to get to whiff of his scent."

"What do you get?" She whispers.

"Slimey, oily, but he's got a big dick."

"Ohhh that's a shame. He looks like an asshole."

"Who cares!!! Let's fuck him!"

"Squeals!" Kyrie comes in squealing like a pig. It doesn't look good because she's trying very hard to walk but her gown is so tight that she falls down, face down.

"KYRIE!" Nero screams from the rooftops. He is being held back by Dante who is banging him from behind.

"WAH! OLD MAN DANTE IS A PERVERT!"

"Shut the hell up, you whipper snapper." Dante pumps into him, like a jack rabbit.

Trish and Lady look at each other and shake their heads.

Mary Sue comes into the scene. She wears her hair long and red, shiny and beautiful that she looks like Nevan, almost. But she doesn't have purple skin and her teeth are short and human.

When she smiles her teeth are shiny and glittering.

"Yay!" Kyrie tries to squirm.

"KYRIE!!" Nero sobs helplessly, his hands in the air, but Dante's grunting hard into him.

"Keep it up, boys; you're giving us a nice view from down here." Trish yells.

"YEE-HAW!" Lady yells out uncharacteristically, "Ride 'em, cowboy!"

"I love cowboys!" Trish agrees, "Shit, we forgot out Gary stu."

"Screw that, who's the crimson haired chick?"

"Mary Sue!" Mary Sue says with a giggle, and her cheeks are flaming, she looks like an angel and a devil at the same time.

"I like her." Trish says, "Let's fuck her too."

"YEEHAW!" This time it's Kyrie on the floor, waving her delicate hand in the air,"YEEHAW! I'm still a virgin!!!"

In the meantime Dante and Nero grunt in unison and come hard.

Sparda comes into the scene and tries to kiss Trish.

"Wait! WOAH!! Hold on there, you old sexy man you." Trish doesn't really try to fight hard, and likes the attention from the old geezer who looks like Hugh Hefner in purple.

"EVA!"

"Listen, I'm Trish, Sparda, and you're not having Oedipus complex are you?"

"WAH WAH WAH!"

Everyone looks at Kyrie who is still struggling on the floor with her dress.

"Someone get her laid!" yells Dante as he thrusts one more time into Nero.

"Sparda, how about you honey?"

Sparda sneers, "Not unless you're on top, babe."

"You talk like Dante too," Trish grins.

"YEEHAW!"


	2. Chapter 2: Dantekyrie

**authors notes:** Dante/Nero, Dante/Kyrie, Dante/Credo pairings up ahead. This will be a multi chaptered fic.

"NO NO!" Kyrie screams.

Her eyes are wide with fear. "NO!"

Then Dante came in and swept her off her feet.

"What's the matter, little lady? You lost?"

He's holding her body tight against his chest.

"Yes, well, wow, you look like Nero."

"He's my nephew."

"WHAT?"

"Just kidding." He smirks at her tight.

"I would have believed you," then she realizes that he's still holding her body tight against his.

"Are you going to let me go?" Kyrie shied away, her face flames like fire.

"You smell good." Dante sniffed at her neck, "I can't place it but you smell like some kind of…"

"Yes, it's my perfume." Kyrie blushes.

Dante's hands are tight against Kyrie's waist.

"What perfume?" He sniffed, snorted against her neck.

"The Blue Rose." TM.

"TM?"

She rolls her eyes, "For goodness sakes. It's trademark." Then she reaches out hesitantly and touches Dante's face, "You have a beautiful pair of eyes, just like Nero."

"Thanks."

"Are you going to let me go?" She blushes again.

He chuckles against her.

"No."

"Oh. How bold of you."

"Of course, I'll let you go, but only if you do something for me." He puts his finger over her lips.

"What's that?"

"Can you ask your brother Credo if he's free tonight?"

Kyrie's eyes bulge.

"LET GO OF MY WOMAN!" Nero screams from across the room. He's still holding his ass with one hand like he's just visited the doctor's office and got an anema. Of course, if people knew, that earlier, Dante was doing him from behind.

"Now hold on there, boy, I've got to make this deal with your little lady first."

"LET GO!" Nero slams down his blue arm and the entire church rumbles.

"Uh uh NO way, you're not getting her back."

"Oh dear." Kyrie blushes.

Then a loud noise ruptures the air, making the church tremble like there was an earthquake.

"KYRIE!!!" Credo screams.


End file.
